No matter how much I fumble, second guess and take one step forward and two steps back, the Universe is moving forward.
No matter the destruction, the suffering, the loss of lives to violence, to the climate crisis and to Covid, the Universe is moving forward.
No matter the resistance and tantrums, and lack of compassion and empathy, the Universe is moving forward.
The evolution of this planet, the evolution of humanity, the evolution of heart-centered consciousness is not solely up to humanity. There’s a greater force at work here. It’s evident in our differences. It’s evident in the children. It’s evident in the animals. It’s evident in the heart-centered experiences we feel.
Back in the early 70’s there was a pseudoscientific concept talked about how children being born then are believed to possess special, unusual and sometimes supernatural traits or abilities. They were labeled Indigo Children. There was also speculation that children born with ADD and/or ADHD were linked with these special talents and abilities. I believe the scope of differences has widened to include more diagnoses that fit into this concept. I’d like to think it was the evidence as we entered into a new humanity. Babies born broken open.
It brings to mind my recent conversation with my granddaughter, age 8. She surprised me out of the blue and asked for a picture of my late daughter, her auntie. We conversed about it and I said to her I’d love to find a picture of her auntie and her. It would be fun have a picture in her room of auntie and niece. My granddaughter looked me straight in the eye and said, “I don’t want me in the picture. I just want auntie.” I asked why. Her response was, “I want to talk to auntie. I don’t need to talk to me. I can already do that.”
My heart is still digesting that statement. Her heart intelligence is clearly moving in a direction beyond my thinking. I am humbled. I am heartened. I have hope.
As I’ve said before, there’s more to this world than what we see and know. Children hold a future with possibilities we can’t imagine. We think we know based on what we hold in our intelligent heads, but there is so much more afoot. I find it fascinating.
Every belief I held used to be a wall of stone. Slowly with work and awareness these walls are now porous and flexible because things change. It’s useful to hold a bifocal or trifocal vision of life. Sometimes I can’t find clarity or meaning to the whole picture, but always I make the assumption there is more going on. I just can’t see it yet. Otherwise, what’s my course of action? It doesn’t help me if I assume to know the truth about my world when I get surprised with unexpected changes.
I often play devil’s advocate with my beliefs on life after death, admonishing myself for the foolish thoughts that my daughter exists somewhere else, happy and learning more about her heart, about her lessons and about love. Who do I think I am concocting such stories when I learned the truth in my Sunday School class in my Protestant upbringing 60 years ago?
Then I think about her life on a trajectory. She was born ill. Lived, loved, laughed, made friends, grew into an adult and then it was her time to leave. The impact she had on the lives of so many broke them open. Broke me open.
Then I remind myself I’m the one experiencing my life. I’m the one that redesigns my rules. I’m the one that advocates for love and acceptance and I’m the one that chooses to be happy over being right. I answer to me. My overall truths do not harm myself or others. I respect differences, my own and others, and always deliver with kindness. When I can’t I strive to understand why and refine.
Life is a trajectory moving in a direction we can’t see yet, but the evidence I see is clearer and clearer we’re going somewhere. I invite your imagination to travel to the unknown and allow in a Universal intelligence greater than you can imagine, powered on love. That death is not the end, but a step in a soul’s trajectory. Suffering is part of the journey. Wisdom is gleaned through the suffering. We are not in control, AND we are held in the arms of a greater source of intelligence fueled on the only viable emotion alive and that is Love.
I want to share a love story from yesterday. I have a five-year-old granddaughter, and of all the people I can’t be with, it’s the hardest I can’t hug her and be with her. I have seen her twice outside over the months, but not recently. I sent a package with a few things in it for Christmas and there was something on the top. I told my son to pull it out and give to her because it was a stuffed lady reindeer. She was on the phone when he did that. I expected a thank you Grandma, something like that. Instead, she looked at my son and she said, “Can I go up to my room and hug her?” I felt that hug. I still do. That’s my love story from yesterday.
So many things are floating through my head. I’m still trying to grasp the significance of your granddaughter’s request, what it means and how powerful she is. What a strong connection you have with her. I’m in the midst of writing the meditation on Attar’s Third Valley about the Valley of Knowledge. It’s so overwhelming. It’s about knowing and not knowing. Last night, I had this dream. I can’t even comprehend the dream. In my dream, it was about connecting and not connecting; knowing and not knowing. The question was whether I could live in that paradox or not. This thing about having expectations based on what you know and then to be surprised out of that knowing into another knowing. I love how you ended the reading by saying “the only viable emotion alive is love.” The issue is whether I can stay in this love state at all times and not beat myself up for things I don’t do or think I should do.
It is what life is all about, living in this great mystery acting like we know when we don’t know. It’s challenging.
As you were talking about your daughter and wondering if she up there and the Sunday school type of belief in life, I suddenly realized that my father has been very much in my thoughts over the past couple of days. I mean to the extent that a Big Band song came on as a Christmas carol and I got up and started dancing around like I was doing the Lindy with Daddy because he would always dance. I was just dancing by myself in the sunroom and it was lovely. He used to do this little move with his shoulders and pursing his mouth every once in a while. Then I had a dream about him where he was much bigger than I, so I was obviously a child and I was giving him a big hug. As we were sitting here meditating, I realized this is the time of year when he died. When we’re done, I will leap up and see whether it was actually today. It was right before Christmas and he had a stroke and then he was gone. I do believe they are there. They are there comforting you and bringing you great joy. And getting me up to dance. And of course, my husband can’t dance worth a toot, so for 35 years I’ve been missing my dad.
Thank you. thank you. There’s incredible richness in this community, and it brings tears, and the tears are emotion, and the emotion is welcome. It’s part of who we are. Often times I wish I wouldn’t cry because the tears make me so tired, my eyes so tired. It’s a release of sorts to make room for more.
I wish you all a good day. I wish you a gentle day. It’s amazing what we experience here as we keep our eyes open, our walls porous and our beliefs fluid. Hope you all have a good day.