Updated: Dec 30, 2020
I wish I came with an instruction manual.
Minimal confusion and clear pathways.
My routines help give me comfort
And at the same time annoying.
I’m remembering 14 years ago
Losing my wife in a car accident
After 15 years of marriage
Standing in the back yard looking up.
I was angry and scared.
Not knowing what was next
Have to sell the house
Move away from the memories
My daughter was getting sicker
My job was not too stressful.
I was shaken to the core of my being
And held in comfort by spirit.
Every day I connected with a higher consciousness
Every day I felt moved by my heart towards love
Every day I knew what to do in the moment
And I didn’t know where I was going
I went outside under the heavens and made a deal
I’m willing to follow my heart
I’m willing to use my gifts for service
I’m open for guidance and communication
I laid out my needs
Wanting to share my life with someone
Wanting more understanding why she left
Wanting answers to my confusion.
I’ve learned my ego is not going anywhere
As its value merges with my heart
I’ve learned to listen to my fears
And I’ve learned to trust
I am at the open door
Life stood in the doorway
With it open just a crack
The security chain was on and
Life was telling me to go back
It tried to give me the message
That this door wasn’t meant for me
But I wanted that door to be open
So I stood there belligerently.
Sometimes we feel so certain
That we know what we want to do
That we can’t even notice the clearest of signs
Saying, not now, not today, not for you.
Sometimes it’s just the reverse
And we really haven’t a clue
Which door we’re supposed to knock on
So we stand still and wait for our cue.
But the best way to find our way home
Is to stand in the street and yell
I’m here and I’m open to offers
I don’t mind in which house I should dwell
We have to put out our intention
And let our dreams be our guide
So life can throw open the door meant for us
And invite us warmly inside.
Yesterday was the hardest day for me since the pandemic started. I had a meltdown. I was okay while I was taking care of someone, but afterwards, I felt the full force of the emotions and it was hard. A few days ago, I had a major event happen like breaking a leg. Today’s reading really spoke to me. It helped me see there are different ways to look at things.
During the meditation, I heard that my mind can be full of yammering and yakking. But it never stops the growth process of my soul, which is based on universal love. I heard that I don’t need to get caught up in the feeling of being lost: my soul is guiding me.
When you spoke about doors, I thought of the rock group The Doors. Making these connections is like peeling back the layers of an onion. The name came from a line in a book by William Blake:
“If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite.”
I liked the readings. Right after you shared the readings, I head you encourage us into a meditative state by saying we are being “provoked into contemplation.” That's what we are doing here.
It’s been an exciting week: we lost power due to the storm, my daughter had her nose pierced, we lost water because the pump needed electricity as did the garage door, and the generator was not working. Friends helped, my ex wouldn’t help. During the meditation, I had a door open and I saw that I have to be prepared to do things by self. The door was literally closed and I had to get it open.
You have your back. And you are modeling strength for your daughter.
During the meditation, I was standing in front of the doors of my life: doors from childhood, from young adulthood, and from friends’ houses. I felt joy, people who loved me. I was only in front of good doors. My mother opened one door and smiled.
During the meditation, I felt a door open to the life of a character I am writing about. I suddenly left like I was inside her and I could feel her emotions, and see what she was looking at. I’ve never experienced that before.
During the meditation, I saw doors in the future: some were formidable and heavy, some had a light and were hopeful, some had windows. Not as hard to open a door as I thought. Great images.
Fourteen years ago, I didn’t understand what was ahead. I incurred terrible losses and yet powerful connections within. It was a doorway to the fact that I'm a psychic medium. We learn from every experience no matter the event.
Our busy minds don’t stop our growth. Our soul guides our growth.