Week 46 - Sitting in the Power

Emotional Fitness

Over the past ten years, since my daughter made her transition, every July through September I experience an anniversary of emotions that flow through the zones of emotion. Grieving is not fun and visits when it wants.

These emotional zones are much like traffic signals, and help me recognize where I am and what I need. The green zone is when all is well. The orange zone feels like raw emotions with some vulnerability thrown in but I still feel okay. The red zone I am triggered and reacting.

Self judgement plays a role as well. I deserve compassion not self-judgement, yet the impulse to always want to be better, do better rears its ugly head when I am struggling. I believe societal pressures and old habits also contribute to self judgement. It is like walking through minefields with some days better than others.

I often turn to spiritual mentors when I am struggling. It helps to read wisdom instead of feeding my hungry heart with more fear. Matt Kahn offers his take on emotional fitness excerpted from his blog at Mattkahn.org.

“Your heart doesn’t just require exercise, but a daily dose of loving-kindness that you were born to provide it. In one way or another, we all yearn for the closeness, intimacy, and fulfillment of love’s eternal grace. The question is, how do you learn to embrace your own heart the way you wish to be loved by others? Whether everything seems to be flowing in your life or in a constant state of transition, becoming the most thoughtful and dedicated supporter you’ve ever encountered is what it means to be emotionally fit.

“Tip #1: Emotional Fitness begins with the breath. …. Simply by taking “breathing breaks” every few hours, you are offering yourself the space to restore and replenish your energy, instead of rushing toward the finish line of each momentary task. “

“Tip #2: Your reality changes when you love yourself. Perhaps loving yourself can be as simple as resting for a few moments with your hand on your heart, allowing your innocence to know that you are always here for you.”

“Tip #3: Focus on what you are doing right. The more you focus on what you’re doing right, instead of micromanaging yourself in attempt to overcome whatever you believe you are doing wrong, your body, mind, and spirit unite on a holistic level to bring forth your highest potential at the rate in which you become nicer to yourself.”

“Your good behavior won’t bring you what you want. Your self-worth will.”

I cannot change my circumstances, but I can change how I react to my circumstances. Using self-awareness and self-compassion, I manage to get through every year. It is a hot zone. Using my breathe helps me stay in the moment.

Offering myself compassion boosts my energy and helps me feel I am okay.

I am literally doing the best I can. When I micromanage myself through a negative lens, I might as well be slogging through quicksand.  Self-awareness helps me by being present and helps me remember compassion is key.