I’ve been thinking about my childhood lately
Which was out of control
A mishmash
Emotional and physical
Fear, confusion and anger
Swirling around my hope
Anger turned inward to despair
Never understanding why
The anger, sadness, confusion
Constantly hanging in the air
What right does an adult
Have to screw up a child?
I don’t want them in my head
I have had steel walls
Barring them from entrance and
They drop in again
I will not be victimized
By my childhood pain
The thought angers me
Wondering how they got in
Obsessing thoughts that
Send me back into a corner
Reminding me to be silent
Compliant, mindless and small
Obsessive thoughts
Go round and round
Gaining speed
Making no sound
The more I fight
The worse I feel
Trying to gain some
Footage and am losing ground
What do I need?
I ask myself
What do I need?
I call from the edge
I have learned this pattern
From years and years
Running away
from my fears
I can’t win on my own
My voice is thin
The fear is strong
And I won’t win
Recruits are here
Standing ready to act
Ready to jump in
Once I call their name
I am not helpless
I just forget
I need only to ask
For what I need and yet
I’m distracted by the pain
Affirmations
Fake it til you make it
I can do it
Come flying in
Singing
Praying
Affirming
Naming
I believe in good
I am not lost
My teachers, mentors
Guides and angels
I am not alone
Joys and miracles
Good people and good deeds
And the safe ones
Who represent the light I need
Recruits stand ready
Once I ask for help
Creativity flies in
Doors opened with hope
I surround myself with believers
Knowing I am in charge
I am the adult
Calling in soldiers all by name
I am perfect
I am whole
I am happy
I am complete
I am loved
I am safe
I am trusting
I am free
Believing I count
Trusting my voice
I land on my feet
Exhausted with relief
This work on myself
Has come through again
The fears come in
And I fight to the win
This battle is old
And yet appears new each time
Until I remember
I deserve to be here
To take up space on this earth
To breathe fresh air
To soothe myself
With the resources I have gathered
Knowing I am not alone
I need only to remember
Reaching out for help
Is the good way to surrender
PARTICIPANTS REFLECTIONS
Thank you for sharing yourself and your path with us.
Thank you for that heartfelt reading. To see your process to deep understanding and compassion towards yourself is very helpful
I’ve learned that I can live in the problem or the solution. My lower self wants me to be unhappy. My higher self wants me to live in happiness. I have a have choice today. Disease wants me to focus on negative. But I can get to a place of peace.
This was a powerful share. I liked the words “swirling around my hope”. “Hope” is a powerful word. I’m in a dark place today too. I reminded myself how powerful gratitude is. I can also be consumed by the garbage of my past, of the present. As a child, I was made to kneel in the corner. Today, I have resources. I don't have to be in the corner in this pandemic. My higher power is with me in this room. Thank you.
Thank you for the reading, for your courage, love, and evolution. I also came from a difficult situation. I have recurring dreams. I remind myself it's not negative. It is part of life. There are diamonds in the manure. I can connect with our heart. The negative keeps coming back, and we keep on going. We can tap into the love that we didn't get as kids. Very brave share today.
Thank you for your struggle. I can feel the energy of the people here. During the meditation, I kept trying to sink into my deeper chakras, but I watched my thoughts swirl up. Those are not here and now. I let them go. I enjoyed meditating with others.
Great sharing. I had two vivid dreams last night. The first was fear based, purse stolen, fear of being stranded. This has to do with my going through a divorce. In the second dream, I was looking at an apartment, at all the rooms, wondering what to do.
Matt Kahn says, “If you feel it, you can heal it. If you hear it, you can clear it.”
A part of me I abandoned as a kid and put walls up. It takes time to take the walls down. You help me to share in this safe place. When I'm in the abandoned place, I forget it’s my little girl feeling abandoned. I forget there is my adult self who can take care of me. I work on repeating affirmations. After all, it’s easy to repeat the negative things.
Kenneth Soares has lots of affirmations which are very comforting. When we can’t come up with our own, we can listen to him. I thought it was stupid at first, but learned it’s not.
In the 12-step program, they talk about the power of sharing experience, strength, and hope. It makes a person and their own inner struggle real. Seeing a teacher’s inner struggle is important for the student to learn. The 12-steps can be summarized as ‘trust god, clean house, help others.’ By sharing your pain and process towards living in the light, you are helping others learn.
The bottom line is fear. I have an online class this afternoon on fear with 50 participants. I will walk through my own fear of doing this class. When we are challenged, our human voice screams.
You landed on your feet
Profound session