Week 73 - Sitting in the Power

NO MORE OTHERING

The story of my past holds so much trauma that it blurs my present.  I feel I have been swimming upstream against the force of life. I have always been in the passenger seat, not at the wheel, feeling misaligned reacting to injustice, and suffering.

It is also an irony that I have felt so stifled while my body grew into maturity ultimately whole and complete. Yet inside, my wounded child is hiding, reacting, and struggling.

As I undergo trauma-based therapy, I am gently guided outside my perceived box of control and enlightened by what is real, not what is based on assumptions I have made about myself and others in my life.

Assumptions make way for war between people, fosters competition and enforces othering. Othering is the act of treating someone as alien or different from yourself and then fear jumps in and starts thoughts of danger.  

I have been othering myself my entire life with self-judgment, self-blame and self-sabotage. I made the decision months ago to go to therapy and about six weeks ago to go to trauma-based therapy. It is a difficult task to face myself, and I am receiving glimpses of the beyond, of my limitations and feel different. It is a process.

The below words I received in meditation four years ago and is so applicable to today:

First and foremost, no life is wasted on this Earth because of wounds and lack of direction. Every sentient form has a purpose. The soul purpose of one may be to heal and regain comfort, solace and understanding. Their soul purpose may be to accept themselves with tenderness, cradle their innocence, honor and befriend their inner child who fled so long ago. Their soul purpose may be to uncover a thread of inspiration discovering they can weave it into a quilt to share with others blinded by their own suffering.

One’s ability to think of their soul purpose is limited by the thinking mind and ego. There’s so much more to our being. Distractions of the mind pursuing ghosts of expectations instilled by wounded authority figures can become literal mazes one gets caught in chasing what one perceives as the right way.

Practicing silence with intention creates a platform where rebuilding naturally happens. The power is in the intention.

As an observer of your life, in silence recognize you as the observer and you as the participant in your daily life. There is no need to impose a timeline on yourself. There is no need to judge whether you’re doing it right. There is no need to implement any rules and regulations. Observe your tendency to do so and recognize the habitual response of limitation on your self-imposed freedom.

And be gentle. Gentle, loving kindness makes the river of learning flow so much smoother. And when you lose your way, turn around and try again.

So as my weeks of trauma-based therapy continue, I am grateful for my courage and silence. I am grateful for sharing this space with you. I am grateful for my bullshit meter. I am grateful for my patience, knowing the same patience I bestow on others I love I also bestow on myself as well.

Namaste