Week 80 - Sitting in the Power

SPACE FOR WONDER

In that envelope of time when I just wake up, eyes still closed on the edge of sleep, I am in my special time when I ask questions, see images, carefully maneuvering around my sleeping ego. I don’t want to wake her just yet as she’s all about schedules and customs, timelines, judgments, and to-do lists.

This is where I can sit in silence, take my time, breathe in clarity and be with those that support me beyond the veil. This is truly my place where I am always welcomed, sated with images, wisdom and comfort beyond my body.

I found this special place not by exploring, but by falling into despair. Day after day, year after year I woke to deep inner sorrow. As awareness dawned every morning, the veil of darkness descended. Before rising out of bed I was laden with heavy sadness weighing down my energy.

I accepted these feelings of despair as my default, fueled by inner anger and hopelessness. I fought back learning more and more what worked and what did not. Slowly as I unravel deep core wounds, I am redefining my default. It is scary because I know who I am in my despair and anger. I am learning who I am beyond.

Every day is a new beginning. Every morning holds that moment when my unconscious meets my conscious mind and thinking starts. With learned curiosity, I open my inner and outer space with wonder. I am learning not to abandon myself, to stay as present as I am able. I am my own advocate as my wise adult.

I believe the veil is thin during this period. I can have conversations with my spirit team. I ask for clarity and support and guidance.

As I unlock my mind and begin to understand how boxed in I have been behind fear and anger, I am amazed by my ability to deal with certain circumstances. For example, this week, a dear friend of mine needed support at Mass. General Hospital, and I was able to be there without a panic attack. I was present for over six hours in support of his journey.

I want to rise with this wonder every day, but find myself stunned and on the cusp of building trust in myself with this new awareness.

Gentle patience helps me navigate this new beginning. Every day I get to practice again, and much like a tot learning to walk, I am a bit unsteady but determined. I need focus and less distraction to stay upright, and when I falter, I come back to gentle patience.

Gentle patience…that is what we all need as we navigate our minds, our hearts, and the outer landscape in the cacophony of life. We are cultivating our inner landscape every day by this gentle patience.

We are, after all, spiritual beings in human form, navigating our growing spirit hearts in an environment of great change.