Week 101 - Sitting in the Power

New Beginnings, by Guest Host Nancy Bragg

William Bridges wrote a classic book about transitions entitled Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. He posited that life transitions are the internal re-alignment, inner re-orientation, and self-definition people go through to integrate life changes, which are external situational shifts. Bridges talked about 3 stages of transition, just like Kubler-Ross talked about 5 stages of grief. Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages had already been debunked for me by David Kessler, who worked with her.

Bruce Feiler’s book entitled Life is in the Transitions recently debunked the idea of life transitions as simply linear stages. Life is not predictable. Life is not linear. Life does not go from point A to point B in a straight line. Each person follows their own nonlinear path and their own nonlinear timeline. That frees me from the expectation of my inner transition following a linear pattern. All three linear life transition stages are already nonlinearly and synchronistically swirling around in my head.

These are my insights prompted by reading stories from Feiler’s interviews with 250 people who have gone through what he calls lifequakes with strong aftershocks. I am currently navigating one of those lifequakes.

Endings require disengaging and surrender. The upcoming ending in my life is challenging me. It is asking me to accept the loss of my beloved spouse, whose physical presence offers me love and familiarity. I am already disengaging from the expectation that we do certain activities together. In an uncertain increasingly smaller amount of time, he will no longer exist in his physical body. I know he will die, and I am not yet ready to surrender and detach with love, just like I had to with our son’s alcoholism.

Liminal space requires waiting and patience. Liminal space is already encircling the ending as well as my new beginning. Liminal space feels empty and challenging. Grieving and uncertainty feel exhausting. Yet, I am re-orienting. I am trusting the process, without knowing how it will unfold. Liminal space is where the new beginning is quietly taking shape—before I can see it, name it, or trust it. 

New beginnings require re-engaging and hope.  My new beginnings seem to feel easier. For me, doing is generally easier than surrendering or waiting. New beginnings offer me possibilities and agency. I envision having a sense of direction and movement. I already acted and put my name on the “ready” list for moving to a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community). I am integrating the possibilities of my new life at a CCRC with the essence of my current identity. I have active hope in this process.

For a New Beginning

by John O'Donohue

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.